Dear Sweatpants

Dear sweatpants,

We've been together for how long, one and a half years?

We have shared so many memories, all of them indoors. You've been my trusty companion during the pandemic, always by my side, which makes me ponder, did I ever wash you?

Today I finally go back to the office, and it's time for us to part ways.

Looking at you now, I only see the bad things: the coffee stain, the dead mosquito, the skidmark of high protein spreadable chocolate that I initially thought was something else.

But if I dig deeper, I know there were good things too, like that time that my butt was cold and I put you on, and then we watched Star Wars together. Yeah, the best one. The first one. Remember how much we enjoyed the pod race scene?

As I pour kerosene and light you on fire before leaving the apartment, I know that I'm doing what I think it's best for the two of us, but it's no less painful. For you, I mean.